The Anxiety of Being Nearly Finished

 

I'm nearly done. I'm currently in my last weeks as a BA-Student of Musicmanagement. In fact, I should be writing my final paper right now. It is crazy how these past 3.5 years of my life just flew by and I am very nostalgic on the one hand- and very anxious on the other- since I decided to give myself at least a year until I will continue my academic path and start my masters degree. The decision behind that was that searching for my mandatory internship, I realised that actually there are two options: taking a position any high-school graduate could do or not being qualified enough to start a proper internship in my favoured companies. Basically, I was overqualified for some and too young and way to unqualified for others. That situation sucked. I can tell you that. But now I am at the point where I basically am inches away from my degree and there are no jobs out there for a person like me. I would have to start with an internship again (and another problem there: loads of companies only take on students because of insurance reasons etc.). Anyway, I feel like my market value should have increased now and me not having to start with an internship again. But apparently not. Anyway, for me a masters degree was always part of my life plan. I can't exactly  explain why.. possibly because I am an ambitious person, but I had this picture in my mind, and built my overall life plan around this fact. Even though it is not really necessary to have a masters degree in the music industry because it is actually all about your network and who you know.

So now I'm 21, pretty happy with my student life (finally) and now it's basically all over already- HOW DID THIS HAPPEN???? It's been already 2 years since I cane back from my term abroad in Australia and now I am crossing the finish-line of my first Uni-degree? NO WAY! Crazy. Simply unbelievable.
What comes next during the next couple of months I do not really know. This is very unusual for me since I am that kind of person that makes plans for everything, applies early and thinks ahead. Since Uni and my thesis take up all of my time right now, I put up with the "what comes nest?" question for far too long already, since I decided in autumn that I would figure that out once I finished my degree. Sometimes you have plans...and sometimes the plans find you. I'll see how this concept works out for me.
Fingers crossed for the next couple of months.
Cheers for now,
Mags

Autumn Playlist

It's been way too long since I neatly put together a playlist... Here is what I am currently listening to and accompanies me through autumn:

1. Sweater Weather - The Neighbourhood
2. Thunder Clatter - Wild Club
3. Lisztomania - Phoenix
4. Smile - Mikky Ekko
5. Dangerous Times - Wildlife
6. Immune - Groenland
7. Shuffle - Bombay Bicycle Club
8. I would Walk 500 Miles - The Proclaimers
9. Celebration - Kool & The Gang
10.  All About That Bass - Meghan Trainor
11. Right On Satellite - Superfood
12. Comeback Kid (That's my Dog) - Brett Dennen
13. Trains - Porcupine Tree
14. Busted - The Black Keys
15. Withcraft -Wolfmother
16. Light Up the Sky - Yellowcard
17. Uniformed & Black - Antimatter
18. Heroine - Sons of Alamo
19. Women of the World (Go On Strike!) - Cee-Lo

Enjoy :)
If you've got any suggestions fo me: I'm always happy to discover new music, so don't be shy and share ;)

Cheers,
Mags

A Self-Experiment

Putting yourself out there - in the dating pool - can be a crazy experience. I've been single for quite some time now (and yes it's been more than a week- seriously I am not joking here) and recently I rediscovered how nice it is to simply go out for dinner or the movies with a person you barely know but feel like you have same values or little things in common. I had one of these nice evenings just a week ago and nothing came out of it but even so I enjoyed the attention and conversation very much. And let's be honest the fact that his attention was with me all evening.

That is why I thought to myself: I really need to put myself more out there. The problem: how to achieve that. Well I decided since I've got a busy schedule and am not the party girl myself and more and more of my uni colleagues and buddies use it I would just give it a try: a dating app. 

I was always a firm believer in "I do not need the Internet" or phrases like "if you need to search online for company you really are pathetic". Well I decided that it is more and more normal these days to meet people online. So: why not?

I downloaded Lovoo and set up my profile. Why Lovoo? Simply because I did not have to link it to my (nonexistent)-Facebook account and could use my email to register. Plus it has enough users in my area to make sense to try it out and not only awkwardly bump into my grandma's neighbour online (thank god I moved away^^). Basically I chose the App with logical thinking. Is that a good start? No idea, but I will take that into account when I draw my conclusions.

Is is a bit weird for our society to search for relationships online? Yes, I still think so. But especially our generation, that spends so much time on the Internet they even call us "digital natives" it seems to be more common to at least try this means of meeting new people.

So here it goes: I will try this out until shortly before Christmas and then will either stop using it because it is simply a waste of my time or continue using it. Who knows what's going to happen?

Impossible Task at Hand

If I am leaving for a beech-holiday trip to Italy the task already seems unbelievably hard. The first question is always: What should I bring? 

I'll need bathing suits and regular clothes for the day and excursions into the city but also something to put on when going out for dinner. Then there is my issue with sunburns so I need loads and loads of sunscreen in every possible SPF available just to be prepared. Shoes? Towels? Do I plan on working out (honestly: NOPE, but who knows what could come over me?)? Games? And BOOKS. Well I love reading and especially on beach-vacations I just bury myself in the stories and devour book after book in a rather short amount of time. This means I really have to be prepared. Nothing worse than not having something to read around. It is really hard for me to sleep before going on vacations because I have to think of every possibility in advance in order to be prepared. Further there is the "Oh my God I am sure I forgot something"-Feeling, this  nagging feeling that I forgot something. I even get this feeling BEFORE I start the whole packing process and it just drives me crazy.

And this was just my thoughts before leaving on a holiday. Packing for 3 to 6 months: imagine my head exploding by going through everything. And take into account the season change.

This task lies ahead of me now, since University starts again in a few days and I am leaving for my apartment tomorrow morning. And I hate it. I simply do. Not even my "Recent Favourites"- playlist or "The Cat Empire" can get me into starting the process this time. 

I've been living at home again for the past couple of months and leaving until Christmas now seems not very appealing. Even though I was really looking forward to go back into my flat and getting my Independence back completely after leaving some (okay a lot) of it behind and falling back into the "daughter-role" here. I really am excited for university to start again and to see my friends again but on the other side just now I get comfortable in my place here again. It's always like this before I leave again after a uni break. It's always twisted and there is this inner fight going on whether I am excited or sad to go. And mostly: it's both at the same time. AWESOME this confusion.

Normally though, after I cried a little when I said goodbye to my family and especially my mum and I go through security control at the airport, most of the sadness turns into excitement for the upcoming  next phase of uni and my independent life in the big city.

But before the scenario at the airport can take place once again, I need to pack all my clothes, chargers, electronic devices, my Laptop, my other SIM-card, books and utilities for uni, bags, shoes, keys and loads and loads of little things. This list would be endless, so I won't even attempt on completing it. But I think you get the picture. 

So now the "Oh my God I am sure I forgot something"-Feeling crept up on me. Again. I think I should give the music another try and attempt the impossible task of packing everything I need for the next months into my suitcase and bags. 

Wish me luck!

Cheers for now,

Maggie

Going "Out There"

The past couple of months I moved back home because of a temporary working position which was more an internship really. I come from a small town, where there are a lot of superficial people. I was sick of seeing the same people I went to school with for the past 8 years again each day at University and I thought to myself: all my friends are doing it so why shouldn't I move out and into another city for university? So I did. With loads of help and encouragement of my friends and family I made up my mind and decided to go out into the world- and I ended up in Berlin. 

Berlin is an awesome city. Very international, multicultural, fascinating and ever changing. Everyday you walk through a city that has already seen so much happening. Sometimes it feels like you can touch the past events and slip right into that time. But mostly you are just allowed to be yourself and do whatever it is you want to do. Coming from this small city, Berlin seemed huge at first but as time goes by I just kind of got used to it that it takes me at least half an hour to get to my desired destination. It's just the way it is. Music is always surrounding me and most of the time I carry a book around in case I miss a train or some bus does not turn up on time (or half an hour late).

Being here in my hometown again for about 5 months now I realised what Berlin and practically moving out did to me. Well did to me is probably a bit harsh... but Berlin and my experiences out "there" made me a person. I know I was a person before- just since I really have a very good relationship with my parents their views and wishes strongly affected me, my personality and the choices I made. Now of course my upbringing is still a part of me of course but I make up my mind about certain topics, about the way I want to spend my days. I don't know if this makes any sense. All I can say is that I am now a confident young women, with her own opinions and believes.

I think in order to know who you want to be and what you want to do with your life it is important to be able to do things on your own, to be independent. And from my experience I can tell you, you get there so much faster if you leave home for a little while, even if it is just for 5 months where you decide to take an internship in another city or do a semester abroad during your studies. But during this time away from your usual surroundings and yes, the usual security of your home, you will learn so much about yourself and about life that you won't regret it. In my case it was not always a simply and easy path, all by myself in a huge city. I had lots of bumps in my road to handle but looking back every obstacle made me stronger. And here I have to quote Kelly Clarkson, because she simply got it straight to the point: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger". 

I guess what I want to say is: risk a little and put yourself out there!

Cheers,

Mags